You Don't Know Me Until You Know Me
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Okay so I’m watching Charmed and there’s this uber hot guy in one of the episodes. His name is SO close to my ex’s. (First name is the same and last name is 2 letters too short). GAHHHHH! I swear, I just can’t escape!
I’m living in hell so I don’t think dying would be that bad. I’ve crossed a line in my mind. Death doesn’t scare me. I am partly relieved but mostly terrified that I have overcome that fear. Moral of the story? Get help before you start thinking suicidal thoughts. They don’t go away when you start to feel better. In the back of your head, you are always thinking about it. Maybe not planning the best way, but the thoughts are always lurking. Get help before this happens. It is the most terrible feeling ever.
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dontlistentothehaters-deactivat asked: i know in your most recent post you said that you were there if anyone needed to talk. but i want you to know that if YOU ever need to talk, im here :) x Thank you very much :) I really appreciate it. I’m working hard to feel better and stop cutting and stuff. |
rinalashlaya.tumblr.com (via rinalashlaya)
If you haven’t wanted to die, then you don’t get it.
If you insist on asking what is wrong, you don’t get it.
Sometimes in order to understand you need to have been there yourself. There won’t always be a reason that a person is upset. I have depression. Sometimes I get depressed just because my body decides to make me that way. I’ll battle it with every ounce of strength I have left but I’m getting tired. I’m not going to give up but I can’t stand it when someone tells me to “be strong”. I am alive right now. If I weren’t already being strong, I would be dead.
All my life I have been afraid of dying and a few days ago I was so distraught that I was on my bedroom floor, crying and making noises that I didn’t know I could make. I was banging my head against the door and in that moment I truly wanted to die. I had never wanted to die before but while I was in that moment, I wasn’t afraid of dying. I almost welcomed it. When I calmed down I wasn’t scared at the fact that death no longer frightened me. I was scared that if I ever slipped so low again, I might actually commit suicide. No, I am not suicidal. But I think once you’ve crossed that line there, suicide suddenly becomes something you think about. I am relieved that the idea of death doesn’t scare me anymore but I am terrified of ever slipping that far down again. I am doing everything that I can to get better. I’m always here if you need to talk. I get it. I finally understand what it feels like to want to die.
